Sunday, November 20, 2011

Really hard decision.

It has been a difficult last few days for our family, but we are doing a lot better now.  We received a lot of information Monday on the children who were sort-of referred (they were working on the official referral) to us from Colombia.  I am really impressed and grateful for all the details and  reports that ICBF puts together and gives to the prospective adoptive parents for review.  We received 30 pages of information in one report and in another there were 60 pages!

This part is going to be pretty vague on our reasons, but we did have to let our agency know that we felt this particular group of children would not be a good match for our family - and for the sibling group themselves.  We knew when our hearts were opened to adoption that any child we brought into our home would likely have a past filled with turmoil and hurt.  In this case, we felt we would not be able to provide the best type of attention the children would need, especially with already having our other four.

I was just about to write how difficult the adoption process can be at times for some adoptive parents, but then I remembered the children.  The trials we go through in having delayed paperwork, the complaints we may have in needing to notarize one more piece of paper, or even having to make the difficult decision that our family isn't the best one to provide for the specific needs of a certain child during the adoption process are nothing compared to those trials and difficulties that an orphan is often forced to experience:

The loss of a mother and a father
No kisses or cuddles
Forced child labor
Sexual abuse
Mental abuse
Physical abuse

These are all real.

I haven't had to experience any of them in my life -
and I am 37 years old.

The children we were referred have.

The oldest child is only 9 years old.  Within the 9 short years of his life, he had experienced not just one of these "difficulties", not just two of these "difficulties", but he had to experience almost ALL of them.  Please, consider welcoming a child into your home and into your family and give a child the gift of:

A mother and a father
Kisses and cuddles
A time to play
A healthy body
Kind words
A gentle hand
The comfort of knowing you will be there for them when they need you

These are all real.


  1. I saw a comment you wrote on RQ a few weeks ago and started reading your blog because we are on a similar timeline and also adopting a sibling group. I am so sorry for this tough decision you have had to make. I can't even imagine how hard it was to decide and I can't imagine how much strength it must have taken. I wish you much peace in the days ahead.

  2. Our oldest was seven when he and his 3 younger sisters were taken into custody by ICBF. They all suffered from almost all of the things listed in your post, but he - being the oldest - received the worst of it. Adding insult to injury, they then spent over 4 years waiting in an orphanage until we came to get them.

    That being said, I agree that you must consider what is fair to the children and to your family when considering accepting a referral. Personally, I would adopt more children, but at this time, I don't think it would be fair to the children we would potentially adopt due to our kids' current and many needs right now.

    God Bless, and I pray that you receive a referral soon that matches the chilren's needs and your family's ability to support those needs.